I was born. I started going to RIT. I’m still there.

Alternate biography, written by Mark Laufersweiler:

Zack was born, at the age of fourteen he became an internationally acclaimed movie star, filmaker, writer, scientist, and millionare. He only ate pizza twice through this, and not once communicated with these so called "spirits" people are speaking of so much today. Zack is now 21 years of age, and lives in a frying pan with his mother, a doctor of baloney, and his two dogs.